Satsuma
by yetti
Summary: The Doctor is left to babysit Rose and Mickey's child, and faces many new and weird challenges. Including a baby in a bathtub, a satsuma and a small fountain of something that isn't water... Please read and review.


**Hello fans of fiction! A more humorous side of Doctor Who; this chapter was inspired by a-c in my favourite iTunes list. If you listen really closely you can hear them as you read. Doo-Doo De Doo... Spooky... Anyway, I'm sure your not interested in this drabble! Read on, Mcduff.**

The Doctor pounced onto the glass table to act out the scene. With a wary glance down at his designated perch, he smiled at the boy seated as the only audience member to his recollective story-telling.

"Almost as soon as my hand had been cut off, it grew straight back and I fought him off. I won, and everything! I told him to leave and never come back. He lunged out at me with his sword as soon as I turned my back. I had barely a moment to react, but I just about managed it. I reached into the old fella's pyjamas and ripped out a satsuma." He beamed. "I aimed and hit a nearby button that released the ready coiled springs that threw the balcony he was standing on to the Earth below."

Glancing around, he nearly tripped over himself as he reached out to a fruit bowl sitting on top of the television in the corner. The satsuma sitting on top was all too easy to get at, but the rim around the edge of the glass table caused a bit of a trip at his feet.

"Like this..." He readied himself in an aiming pose and hurled the fruit across the room.

It hit the unsuspecting vase on the mantelpiece with a loud crash and fell, unbroken to the floor, with porcelain shards strewn around it.

The Doctor gaped, and muttered, "Your mother will kill me."

As if on cue, Rose pushed her way into the living room and screamed. "You stupid man!" She rolled her eyes in the Doctor's direction and put her hands on her hips. "The Sycorax story again?"

The Doctor nodded guiltily.

"How the hell am I ever going to trust you for a week with Nick, if I can't even leave the room without you killing some sort of 'alien' in the form of my furniture?"

The Doctor looked at the floor and twiddled his thumbs, the lace of his converse still tangled in the metal framework of the table.

"I just wanted to keep him entertained. If only you'd let me take him onto the TARDIS; nothing breaks in there... most of the time."

"TARDIS!" Nick grinned toothlessly up to his mother.

Rose shook her head. "I don't want you getting into his head. I had amazing adventures with you, but frankly I'm exceedingly lucky to be alive. I don't want that for my son."

The Doctor's face dropped, and he turned to the door where Mickey had just walked in.

"Hey, sweetie." He kissed Rose on the cheek, then bent down to Nick. "And how's my little man?"

"TARDIS!" The boy screamed as his father picked him up and flew him around the room.

Mickey screwed up his face and blew a raspberry on his belly.

After finally putting the child down at his ankles, he turned to the two scowling adults in next to him. "I heard shouting and something breaking."

"Well done!" The Doctor spoke, then added in a quieter tone, "Idiot."

Rose rubbed her forehead. "We're gonna be late, Mickey."

Mickey smiled weakly at the Doctor, before following his wife out of the room.

The Doctor stood there until he heard the door close behind them, and a while after, as well.

"TARDIS!" A yell from the over-excited child brought him back to Earth, although he'd much rather be on any other planet than with Rose and Mickey's child alone.

"Nick! What would you like to do?" He picked him up and balanced him on his hip.

"Woof."

The Doctor blinked. "You want to be a dog?"

"Woof." This time the shrill bark was accompanied by a nod.

Again, the Doctor blinked, "Now, why would you ever want to be a dog."

"Woof. Woof. Woof."

"Ok, ok! What's you name, little doggy?"

Nick was about to woof again, when he suddenly gasped.

"What is it, Nick? Are you hurt?" The Doctor placed him down on the sofa.

"Wee-wee-wee-wee!" Nick wobbled from side to side in a desperate attempt to stop himself from weeing.

"Oh!" The Doctor had always called Rose when it came to this.

He grabbed the boy and ran full pelt out of the lounge and into a near-by bathroom. For safety measures, he laid Nick in the bath, and frantically rummaged through the cupboards, muttering about how humans had absolutely no idea about organising things, and that in the TARDIS everything was arranged alphabetically.

A deranged giggle erupted from the bathtub. Nick decided he didn't want to wait for the Doctor with the nappies.

"NO!" The Doctor lunged for the child, but managed to get entangled in the shower curtain.

After a quick escape, he ripped of Nick's dungarees and pulled down his underwear. A small fountain burst up into the Doctor's face.

"Ergh!" The Doctor spat a mouthful of the liquid into the sink and washed the taste quickly out of his lips. He pointed at Nick. "Smelly little boy."

**Righty ho. Review and recieve something. I'm not going to tell you what it is, because it's a surprise... Ok, here's a hint. It begins with CH- and has an -E- in it, and rhymes with PLEASE... Ok, I'll tell you... It's Cheese.**


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